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Men vs. Women Quotes
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark! Help!'. I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
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If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards it's really about a magical boat that saves people.
Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer .
If my boss paid me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.
That awkward moment during a test when you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know you're screwed.
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
If we all end up in prison for illegal music downloads, I hope they divide us by music genres.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'