Funny One Liner Quotes For Facebook Page 3



One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark! Help!'. I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.

Titanic Backwards


If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards it's really about a magical boat that saves people.

Crap on My Car


Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.

Funny Police


If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer .

Trident Gum Commercial


If my boss paid me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.

Don't Know the Answers


That awkward moment during a test when you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know you're screwed.

Respect for Myself


I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?

Illegal Music Downloads


If we all end up in prison for illegal music downloads, I hope they divide us by music genres.

Funny Skydiving


If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Funny Angry Birds Quote


If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'

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