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Prostitutes are way better than marriage. Why buy a whole cow, when you only want a glass of milk?
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I'm amazed when I see these little 8 year old kids with iPhones. You know what I had when I was 8? Imagination.
Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you're in the way.
These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like the giraffe did.
I feel like getting some work done, so I'm going to sit here until the feeling passes.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. May not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button...
Dear Board of Education, so are we...
If you got punched everytime you lied, you'd be dead.
Some girls act like b*tches so they won't get hurt. Some girls are b*tches because they got hurt.
Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.